I have not been feeling my best as of late.
Last week, confirmed klutz that I am, I managed to clobber myself in the forehead with my metal screen door. Brilliant, I know 🙂 I had a lump the size of Michigan on my forehead, but felt otherwise fine. The next day I was driving to work–a drive I’ve made a million times, five days a week–and I got lost. Completely and utterly lost. Still, I thought I was fine, just tired. As a high school teacher and full time writer, I shoulder a daily workload that would put most people in a coma. But the next day, I passed out in the grocery store.
After hospital visits, blood tests, cat scans, etc. It turns out that I have post concussive syndrome, a condition caused by brain trauma, and a blow to the head. Thinking is almost impossible, reading is a distant wish, and forget about going to work–I can’t walk 2 blocks without feeling like I’m going to faint. Most of the time I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, praying for this god-awful feeling of nausea and vertigo to go away.
I have to confess: I’m terrified. I’m scared that I’m never going to get better, and consequently, never write again (some people don’t improve, and for some it takes 3-4 months), or teach–a profession I absolutely love. I miss my students, and I hate being idle–it makes me feel useless. I’m dizzy and nauseous all the time, and have no appetite. My new book IN TOO DEEP is out now, and I should be promoting it heavily online, but I can barely move. If bloggers or reviewers out there want to review ITD, or do an interview, please get in touch with me. I just don’t have the energy to reach out to anyone right now–I’m too scared and worried, and just plain exhausted.
Please send good thoughts my way–I could sure use them.