* This was originally posted on The Compulsive Readers blog a week ago, but got no comments except for some troll posting as “Anonymous.” *Rolls eyes* So, I am posting it again for your viewing pleasure. And now I give you the one, the only . . . Madison Macallister, queen diva-bitch of the Upper East Side!
1. Always play hard to get. The Rules aren’t “guidelines,” they’re a way of life.
2. Girls like sparkly things—a lot. And the words “Tiffany,” “Harry Winston,” and “Chopard” are music to our ears—and usually our pants 🙂
3. Always be the dumper, never the dump-ee. And remember—girls can dump retroactively.
4. Relationships come first—you can explain the Bergdorf’s bill to daddy later.
5. There’s always someone hotter, smarter, richer, funnier . . . better. Make sure he knows it.
6. Girls should have as many pairs of shoes as they want; guys often rely on one. The same rule applies to dating.
7. Having a sex tape will not make you a celebrity—it just makes you desperate.
8. Never hit on, flirt with, or try to date a certain blue-eyed boy from the Upper East Side who worships Woody Allen like it’s his own personal religion, and mainlines black coffee . . . or I’ll have to kill you.
9. Men are like stilettos—wicked, dangerous, and you often have to break them in multiple times before you completely fall in love. Learning to navigate the world in stilettos is much like dating—you have to walk before you can run.
10. And remember the most important rule of all: never, ever say those magical three little words first—unless they’re “I’m leaving you.”